Ok, so last night I got the Mazda 5 wedged on a snow cake, that had the entire under carriage frozen stuck to the earth. I started lying on my back in the snow, with a shovel and a broom, and feet that kicked as far as they were allowed to go...at maybe nine this morning. I boiled water at intervals to unfreeze up the front wheels when I'd try to back up. On the way back to the house with the kettle once, (and no one's home mind you, and it's maybe 10 degrees? It was a cheery one degree when I started..,but I digress.) ..and upon reaching the front door , realize that the storm door has slipped into a locked position. Which has been happening, but someone's always been home. BLAH. Brute force doesn't work, I love the kettle or I'd have flung it...the back door actual door is key locked...I don't have a phone and the car is..just stuck.I also had just taken my rescue glucose out of my pocket, afraid it would freeze.

Remembering how my first pyscho ex used to break into the house, I tried her method, of prying the bedroom window,...huzzah, it works. I got something to stand on and launched myself into the window, where thankfully the bed lingers right below. I jammed a button into the faulty slide that keeps locking the door and electrically tapped it there. Firm and not locky. I unlocked the back door. This all cheered me. I went back out, and popped the Mazda's hood, to see if maybe , if there were space enough, I could dabble some steamy water down thru onto the most offensive part of the snow-ice-barge-cake-thing. No space, the engine is efficiently put together, dammit. I adore car cars. real cars. Cars that have their anti-freeze basin tied to the frame with ribbons and duct tape. Metal. Steel. But whatever. I slam the hood. And, I can't move.
I have obviously locked both of the drawstring ends of my sweat pants, under the hood.It's tight, I can't get OUT of the pants if I wanted, can't get to the hood release, as I am not GUMBY, no matter how that bowls over popular belief....so, I am basically..le screwed. This car has a sense of humour, or a crush, or is simply going to swallow me whole next.

So, I try to slide the strings, to a more...large space in the split between hood and latch. Which looks like I LOVE this car enough to hump it to glory and back. This takes a gregarious ten minutes of neighbour laughter at least. I find the latch and don't get caught on that too thank god, and huzzah, free. Embarrassed, yet free, Bo Duke as ever.

End of this story, sans power steering as it obviously has a hissy and shuts down at the first sign of trauma, I strong armed the wheel and finally was able to rock the thing off the ice and snow barge. Gave myself thunderous applause as we rolled back sweetly to the front of the drive, and yay.

Happy afternoon, everyone, I'm happy to be here amongst y 'all, and for the love of God people, watch your pants.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: pen dragon,

Bless your heart,you can't make that up.LMAO

Yes, my non-fiction IS that pitiful. I left out where I fell twice and hit my head on the side mirror. Only I can beat myself up using a car.

Now that was a fun read...I have diet coke all over the place including my nostrils and it HURTS!!!

Omfg Pen...You kill me..Thanks for sharing that!!!

That might be the best advice I have had in a while..Watch your pants!! Rotflmfaoooooooo

Haha Syd, was hoping you'd read and unsnort your coke roflmao...

hey there Oz, yeah , that quite a night gave me a night in the hospital next, rofl, gawd I'm stupid.

Thnx for readin

You ended up in the hospital???

Nostrils are fine lmao...Until the next time

Half-froze, hands-seizing, vomiting out of control... yes ma'am!

hahaha..next time!! Watch out!

Jeeeeeeez Pen...What in tarnation are we gonna do with you???

Please be safe and careful,,,K, ya need to clip some mittens on teh bottom of the sleeves of the Jean coat I know your wearing,,,Get a warmer coat!!! Scarf and hat everytime you leave.

Heart you..Are you ok now?

You will so never forgive the jean coat will you,LOLOLOL....I was in a parka thingy..and I had gloves...I swear. Yes, ma'am I'm fine now, bless ya. Heart you too.

Glad your ok...Now knock it off dammit! We need you around heah.

I nearly always agree with Syd.



Thanks, Oz. Very kind.

Nearly is key rotf

So am I to assume you have wheels now??? Git ur Bum down here on 3/31..We shall go see those I can not speak of

No more car beatings..promise? lol

LOL, I have a car when I have occasion to rent one, gimme an occasionnnnne.

I'll try Duck. It was hard work!!!

I use to have a Mazda traded it for my jeep
Braking into your own home now that is classic ..lol