All the windows in the house are open, because it's a balmy 70-something degrees out. The stereo is on in the corner, the song playing is "Daddy" by Jewel. I sing along as I go by, on my way to the kitchen and the coffee pot that's telling me it's done brewing by the coffee-starting-to-burn smell. I am humming as I pour a cupful.

Sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy
Drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney.
Yes, I left the refrigerator door half open, Daddy.
What's that say about me?

It's haunting, given the hypocrisy my own father breathed like poison air. My mother, ever in denial, is sitting at the dinner table, reading a thick novel about someone else's perfect (dysfunctional in denial about their lives) tale. Someone gave her the book, her best friend , or one of her sisters.She lifts her tiny voice to try and join in the song. I don't turn around, I don't look at her.

Sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy
For all those things you said that were mean.
Gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy
What's that say about me

I get angry and feel complete.When my anger realizes itself for what it is, and I take a deep breath and I alchemize the leaden anger into golden strength , and my arms and legs feel good, and my body feels taut, and my clothes fit okay, even though my hands look older thaan they did before coming out of my sleeves like that, it's all good. I know where my head is at, my glasses remind me of my journey to this place as they slide down my nose and I smile.

Sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy.
Gonna use your tongue as a stamp
Gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy
Go ahead and psycho-analyze that.
'Cause I'm your creation, I'm your love, Daddy.
Grew up to be and do all those sick things you said I'd do
Well last night I saw you sneak out your window
With your white hood, Daddy
What's' that say about you?

A breeze comes in the window, soft,pure. I try the coffee I just poured and its burnt and hellish, but I am only staving off a headache, so its fine.I sing the last bit of the song, low.The whole day feels good.
I turn to look at my mother, she's gone.
Almost like she evapourated with the harsh truth at the end of the lyric. Epiphany will do that to ya.Vacuum you right into another room, or another level of consciousness.

I'm sloppy, what's that say about you?
I'm messy, what's that say about you?
My bones are tired, Daddy

All depends on what you can change and what you can learn to live with, before and/or after those changes.
There's serenity in there somewhere. I'm sure.

i wish i knew what to say when you make posts like this...

i never do.
But i'll always read 'em.

<3

All I ask xo

Don't know even what to say. xo

<3

Ducky and Syd, as usual, you said the exactly right thing. *hugs budz*

*Hugs*

This was actually a pretty uplifting post for me,lol.. I don't think that came across to well... *hugs all y'all*

Well i'm glad it was uplifting for you. lol and I agree with your sloganizer it says Pendragons Kicks A.SS lmao.

Sloganizer said to sy hi to you last night, Duckness, and its preparing for the cruise. ...tyvm...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZcmr426ACo

having fun with youtube today.

OH I am so ready for a cruise..lmao..tell sloganizer to hurry up an get here.

Okay pen your writing always seems to take me somewhere and this time for some reason at the part where you turned your back and your mom was gone I totally thought of that Helen Reddy Song Angie Baby. The boy disappears into the radio never to be found. lmao Don't know why.
Great writing

I LOVE that song. Wow, great reference. I referenced that to another piece that was written here, long ago, full circle, that. Thanks for reading, Pos, I always enjoy your feedback.