They're corny, but somewhat funny as well. So get a soda, some popcorn and start reading....

I wrote this poem about Bill Shatner. I have talked to Bill before on the internet. Even his daughter! Isn't the internet great?! Maybe someday I'll get a chance to chew the fat with Lisa Marie too....

My Poem About Bill Shatner...



Title: "The Captain's Log"

Captain's Log:
Stardate, Forty One point Two
I've been sitting here on the bridge admiring my crew
Now Bones is in our Sickbay, with him a disease can't win
And Scotty's lying in the turbolift, I think he's drunk again
Sulu's at the helm, I depend on him alot
And Uhura is listening for lifeforms, that skirt is really hot
Spock is on the sensors, he's trying to tweak the knobs
My crew all seem very content, I think they like their jobs
We picked up something weird, somewhere out in space
It could be evil Klingons, or even a Romulan base
We were going to have a party, I even wore my jeans
It was a special occasion for Spock, we were having burban and beans
But now we sit on the bridge, wondering what's ahead
Our shields are up, the weapons are charged, and the lights are all flashing red
A captain's life is not easy, there are many decisions to make
We loose a man everyday on this ship, and it's getting hard to take
Maybe I need a vacation, or even a mountain to climb
I'd even nibble on a green lady's ear, but I can't seem to find the time
I went to my quarters to lie down, I thought, "A little rest will ease my head."
But I couldn't do that either, there were Tribbles in my bed
So here I am on the bridge, wondering, "Is this the day we all die?"
I'd like to bury my hands in my face but it's wrong for a captain to cry

Here's Another I wrote

Title: "The World Sure has changed"

The World sure has changed in the last few years
Terrorism and gas prices are just some of our fears
We're still at war in Afganistan and Iraq
Trillions have been spent since the 9-11 attack
The rich are richer and the poor now have less
And security around our country is really a mess
Scooter Libby was charged with lying and deceit
And Cheney and Carl ? Well, they let another take the heat
Our bridges and roads are being sold across the land
And yes, even in these weird deals, Bush has a hand
Our airlines and ports he would also like to sell
If someone has the cash and they promise they won't tell
Our schools are all eroding and falling apart
And the deficit for America is way off the chart
The stock market rises and then it falls
And Walter Reed? Well, they've got mold on their walls
TV has been hijacked by reality shows and crapp
And radio stations everywhere are playing their rap
There's no more good music for those who dance
And now folks are mooned daily, by droopy, baggy pants
Hollywood actors are getting hooked on meds
And some well known stars are even shaving their heads
Iran is building nukes and refuses to quit
And Israel is very nervous and having a fit
Even Noth Korea has been thumbing their nose
Cause the leader over there had his assets froze
Yep, the world sure changed in the last six years
And the angels in heaven are all covered with tears
Cause the world god created for his people to share
Has now grown extremely violent with smog in the air


Poem not meant as a political attack against any party...Just a poem I wrote when I was bored...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Old-elvis-fan,

I love this one. I wrote it about one year ago.

Title: "Rich Man Poor Man"

I went to the National bank today I had to apply for a loan
You see, I was once a wealthy man , but now it's sadly all gone
The mansion I had, it was really wild, but now it's all been sold
My Mastercard and Visa, even they were put on hold
My bulldog ran away last week, he didn't like being poor
He bit me before he left, then he peed and crapped in the floor
The bill collectors keep knocking, but I always hide under the bed
My precious four kids are furious, because even they haven't been fed
Someone stopped by yesterday and then they took my car
Now I can't even travel, if I ever do want to go far
A bum even tried to rob me, lastnight when I went to the store
But I grabbed his money instead, and then I asked him for more
My wife mops the floors in the daytime, and then she hooks all night
She wears these skimpy outfits, it's really one hell of a sight
Thanks to her, we don't starve, we're still both able to eat
Me, I don't get out too much, cause there's no darn shoes on my feet
I don't ever call my folks, because they both think i'm fine
I keep sending them pictures of mansions, I tell them that they're mine
My wife wants me to hook too, she always pleads and begs
But I can't seem to get any dates, with my two hairy legs
I finally got me a corset, a red skirt, hose and a wig
Two old pair of socks for booobs, they weren't very big
I stood on the sidewalk after midnight, somewhere around one or two
It was cold as a well diggers *** that night, my legs were turning blue
An old man finally stopped, he asked if I needed a ride
He said, "I like my women big, and yes, even hairy and wide."
I got in the car and shut the door and somehow tore my hose
Then he said, "Holy Smokes, Your a guy!!!" and then he broke my nose

Here's one I wrote on the day we invaded Iraq.

Title: "Questions Questions Questions"

I stepped outside because my head was sore thinking about this Iraqi war. The Bombs are falling and the troops advance and terrible language is coming from France. The planes are flying and the radars are jamming and Saddam's emails are overloaded with spamming. It's finally here, what we all really hate, it's war with Saddam and diplomacy's too late. We'll get his weapons and destroy them now, unless like some say we're beating a dead cow. Some countries will join us and others will fail, because they think these actions will lead us to hell. Will terror deminish, or will it increase, will the world loose all hope of an everlasting peace? Will Korea lie low while we deal with this threat, or is a possible southern invasion already set? Will China and Russia keep their nose clean, or will they get sneaky and shady and mean. Only time will tell us what's lying ahead, will Saddam be victorious, or will he wind up dead? Will his troops surrender, or remain in their holes. Can George Bush JR succeed in the polls? Will gas prices fall, or you think they will rise, will America really change the name of their frys? And what about the whine being poored on the ground, is America and France enemy bound? Can Americans speak up about what's going on, or is the America we once knew a long lost song. And one last question that I really must ask, will the oil be destroyed by this massive force making us once again travel by horse?

Here's a new one I wrote...He! He!

Title: "A Lovely day In The Park"

I went to the park to ease my mind
a peaceful place there, I could not find
I sat on the bench, but it was too wet
I met a bum with a rat, it was his pet
I told him my life was really a drag
Ten minutes later, he stole my darn bag
I was very upset and ready to blow
I then realized , i've reached a new low
I then found a nice spot under a tree
But a bird dog walked by and started to pee
I jumped off the ground and dried my wet face
When suddenly an old lady sprayed me with mace
She said she was sorry and gave me a kiss
Rubbing my eyes, I said, "That's alright, Miss!"
I then thought, "I'll just go home, and take me a nap."
But suddenly I noticed, "I'm standing in crapp!"
I got me a stick and scraped off my shoes
And that's when a black man began singing the blues
I said, "You really sing nice, and your picking is great!"
He then smiled and winked and asked for a date
I said, "I'm not a girl, I think I will pass
Suddenly the black man grabbed at my a**
I then turned to run and fell in the weeds
And along came a hippy wearing some beads
He said, "Hey, dude, what are you doing in there?"
I said, "I just had one hell of a scare!"
He then helped me up and brushed off my back
And then he asked, "Have you got any Crack?"
I don't do drugs, I said with a grin
He stuck out his hand and said, "My name's Bin!"
I said, Well, Bin, I've got to go!"
He then pulled a knife and asked for my dough

Geez!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Old-elvis-fan,

Here's Another Poem I wrote.... It's about buying a car.....He! He! He!

Title" "I'm Gonna Buy Me A Car"

Well, today's the big day, i'm gonna buy me a car
I thought, "Smokey's car lot?" that's not too far
I jumped on my bike and peddled away
I thought, "I should get there late in the day
After I arrived I talked to the man
He said, "I'll be right back i've gotta visit the can."
I then walked around and looked at his cars
Some were really weird, you know, like they came from mars
He finally got back, I said, "What have you got?".
He said, "I've got that Lincoln there it's the best on the lot
I opened the door and then slid in the seat
Turned on the radio, it had a darn good beat
He said, "Take her for a spin but you'll probably need some gas
Just about that time something sharp poked my a*s
I said, "Och, son of a Bit*h! What the hell is this thing?'
He said, "Pay that no mind it's just a protruding spring
Well, I put her in gear and then pulled on the street
The ride was amazing it was really neat
I drove her through town and out in the hills
I thought, "I can't afford her i've got to many darn bills
Just about that time I passed some wild girls
The driver was a knockout her hair was in curls
I layed down on the horn and threw them a wave
Then one girl hollered, "Man, your ugly, and you need a darn shave!!"
Feeling embarrassed I then started back
Suddenly the car quit beside an old shack
I then raised the hood and wiggled a wire
Suddenly smoke billowed out! It was on fire!!!
I ran to the shack and knocked on the door
But a sign said, "We're not here, we've gone to the store."
I grabbed my throbbing head, I thought, "I'm going insain!"
Just about that time it started to rain
The fire went out but the Lincoln was toast
I thought, "When he sees his car he'll be white as a ghost
Well, I found me a phone and gave him a call
The dealer said, "How do you like that Lincoln son?! She's a real doll."
I was really cussing and having a fit
I said, "This darn Lincoln's no doll, it's a burned piece of Sh*t
LOL!

I poured my heart into this poem because it's about Elvis. Personally, i'm use to writing funny poems, but this one required a great deal of emotion....I hope nobody takes offense to it...

TITLE: "What Would Elvis Think?" Written August 22 2007


What would he think about the war in Iraq

What would he say about the 9-11 attack

Just after the planes hit and then New York shook

Would Elvis agree with the actions we took

What would he say about Michael Vick and sports

Would Elvis agree with selling our ports

Would he weep at the sight of people in need

Would Elvis be angry would he denounce all the greed

What would he say about China and trade

Would Elvis be patriotic about where it's all made

Pet food poison that is killing our dogs

Poison in our streams infecting the frogs

What would he think about the damage we've done

The greenhouse gases and a much hotter sun

Would Elvis agree with a worried Al Gore

About the ice caps melting affecting our shore

What would he think about the politics today

Would Elvis shake his head then sigh and walk away

Fighting over religion, killing each other in war

Would Elvis wipe the tears away and suddenly be filled with more

What about all the violence that's killing our kids in school

Would Elvis agree with assault rifles, with a trigger that's easy to pull

What would he think about New Orleans, all those houses destroyed

Would Elvis agree with our country's response when the guard was slowly deployed

Aids and Cancer, still killing, still around

Is Elvis appalled that a cure was never found

Our Bridges are now falling as our roads all decay

No money spent for up keep, what would Elvis say

Taxcuts for the wealthy while poor folks go without

Does Elvis look at god and ask "Is this what life's about?"

Why do people have to starve, oh lord, why is so much pain on earth

Why do people have to suffer, Oh Lord, from the beginning of their birth

"This is life I created, Elvis." said god with tear filled eyes. They all must endure this suffering and pain for this is what makes them all wise."

I kinda like the William Shatner one...

Hi bree

Thanks

woo hoo!