LMP    LMP Forum    Forums  Hop To Forum Categories  Lisa Central  Hop To Forums  World Matters    Purity Ball Movement..have you heard? what do you think?
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
Purity Ball Movement..have you heard? what do you think?
 Login/Join
 
Picture of Jonee
posted
Maybe some of you have heard about this, watching TLC last night they had a program on about Purity Balls and so I am wondering what if you have heard about this and what do you think?


"The Purity Ball Phenomenon
by Steven Adams
A media obsessed with sex is captivated—and sometimes baffled—by father-daughter dances. Either way, a worldwide audience is paying attention.

Maybe it’s partly due to a preoccupation with sex, or maybe a bemusement at people of faith. It doesn’t matter. A growing number of media outlets are fascinated by the by the Father-Daughter Purity Ball—a dinner-and-dance event—and their coverage is giving the abstinence message a worldwide platform.

"It’s just gone crazy," Lisa Wilson told Citizen while her husband, Randy, and two of their daughters were off in Los Angeles, taping a Dr. Phil show. "We’ve heard from Scotland, France, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, Great Britain—and Al Jazeera network, who asked us if we’d like to speak to 40 million Arabs on purity." (For security reasons, they didn’t.)

What is a Purity Ball?

Fathers in tuxedos and daughters in formal gowns sit down for a three-course dinner. A girls’ ballet troupe performs in front of a large cross. Then the fathers recite a covenant committing themselves to the protection of their daughters’ purity and involvement in their lives:

I, (daughter’s name)’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the areas of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and my family as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.

The girls lay white roses at the foot of the cross.

"And then it opens up to the dance," said Khrystian Wilson, 19. "And we dance until midnight."
The Wilsons of Colorado Springs, Colo., have been interviewed by Primetime, Nightline, People magazine, Good Morning America, Today, CNN’s Glenn Beck, Glamour magazine, Oprah’s O magazine—and Citizen. The BBC and a U.S. company have expressed interest in filming documentaries. Three of the Wilson girls have collaborated on a book.

The Wilsons hosted their first Purity Ball in 1998 at the five-star Broadmoor Hotel in Colorado Springs. Founder Randy Wilson said his idea, which has since spread to 48 states, began as he prayed for his five daughters.

"I wanted to set a standard of how they should expect to be treated by the future men in their lives," Randy told Citizen.

The media’s interest caught the Wilsons by surprise. Lisa said she was preoccupied with the heavy load of home schooling, and then a writer for Glamour called, saying the Purity Ball had become "a converging national movement."

Khrystian, their second oldest, is amazed. "God’s totally blown open these doors for us," she said. "We never could have imagined we’d be here right now."

Caia Hoskins, a former Focus on the Family spokeswoman who now assists the Wilsons, said she has thought from the beginning that the Purity Ball could "change the world." (See "Eyewitness to the death of feminism." )

But not without a fight.

Touching a Nerve

Feminists who have attended a Purity Ball or spent time with the Wilson family condemn what they see as male oppression of women.

Jennifer Baumgardner, author of Glamour’s February article, found the families’ morality "too narrow"—"a lifestyle straight out of biblical times," she wrote—and the girls less than clear about what they were signing up for. "It felt like a world I don’t live in," she said.

Baumgardner is a former board member of New York Abortion Access Fund and producer of the feminist documentary I Had an Abortion.

"The purity movement is, in essence, about refusing to let girls grow up," Baumgardner wrote. "These are girls who may never find out what it means to make decisions without a man involved, to stand up for themselves, to own their sexuality."

The First Kiss

The first kiss the Wilsons’ oldest child, Lauren, 22, shared with her husband, Brett Black, 24, was at the altar on their wedding day last December.

That was their idea, Randy said, not his. And it was Brett’s idea to ask Randy before the couple’s first date.

"If he had come to me," Lauren recalled, "I would have asked him to ask my father, because I just respect my dad’s wisdom."


Brett, an Air Force Academy graduate, wouldn’t have done it any other way. The Wilson family invited him to dinner periodically, and Brett befriended Randy, then a family-life pastor at Mountain Springs Church in Colorado Springs. When Brett took an interest in Lauren, he prayed about it, talked to friends and mentors and then decided to approach Randy.


At that point, Randy became "the scariest man in the world," said Brett, now an airman in flight training at Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, Texas. "It was probably the hardest question I’ve ever had to ask."


What Brett didn’t know was that Lauren had been praying about the same thing. Neither one was aware of the other’s interest. So, when Randy gave permission for Brett to proceed, Lauren said yes.


"It surprised him," Lauren said. "He didn’t think I would be ready. He was like, ‘You want some time to pray about it and get back to me?’ And I had already spent some time praying about it, so I was ready."


Their story became the subject of a feature article in the women’s magazine Marie Claire.


Lauren had attended seven purity balls with her dad. Her definition of purity: "full strength."


"So, coming into marriage, I’m just stronger, being pure and stronger as a woman," she said. "It’s incredibly powerful and awesome. It was the way that God intended marriage to be, and that’s the way God intended women to live their lives and to save themselves for their husbands."
In an interview with Citizen, Baumgardner conceded it’s a good thing when fathers take more responsibility for their children. But she said such an emphasis on purity could lead to "shame," which can impair parent-child communication about sex.

Writing for USA Today, feminist professor Mary Zeiss Stange (Skidmore College, Saratoga Springs, N.Y.) called father-daughter commitments "profoundly disturbing," saying they promote "misguided notions of patriarchal religion" and deprive females of "sexual self-agency."

Randy Wilson said much of the criticism he hears is misinformed. Some purity balls involve abstinence pledges, but that’s not what he envisions.

"What we are seeking to do is to establish strong, healthy, wholesome relationships with our daughters so that they can understand what relationship is all about and how to build relationship themselves," he said. "We’re promoting fatherhood and building relationships, period."

His daughter Khrystian confirmed it. "People are saying the girls sign purity pledges, and that’s setting them up for failure," she said. "But it’s not, because we don’t sign those purity pledges; our fathers do."

"I think this culture is crying out for a restoration of fatherhood," she said. "I think this is an answer." (See "What is a Purity Ball.")

Her 17-year-old sister, Jordyn, said too many of her peers take their cues from Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. "Culture frames women right now as just disposable, for men’s pleasure or for pictures or whatever," she said. "I’m too valuable to be disposable."

‘What Love Looks Like’

Kevin Moore, 54, grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y., and speaks from experience about the fatherhood crisis in the black community.

"We’re losing our kids," he told Citizen. "You have an enormous amount of females who are fatherless, and because of that void and emptiness in their lives, they look for love in all the wrong places and will often compromise in things they may intuitively know are not good. It’s a lose/lose situation."

For Moore, the Purity Ball is about making memories, making his girls feel special and being the best dad he can be. "I’m going to put my best foot forward," he said. "I’m going to show them what love looks like."

Last year, Moore took his 12-year-old daughter, Claire, to the event at the Broadmoor. A photographer for Oprah’s O magazine was there, too, and took a picture of Claire.

"I hope [Claire] shows that to her kids," Moore said, "and I hope she talks about that for the rest of her life."

The ‘Education’ Factor


Critics of the Purity Ball movement have said most teens will not remain abstinent, and those who aren’t taught so-called "safe sex" are at risk.

That’s the view of Shelby Knox, the subject of a 2005 documentary The Education of Shelby Knox, which aired on PBS.

A Southern Baptist, Knox made a virginity pledge when she was 15—as part of a True Love Waits event in Lubbock, Texas. But she became frustrated with the high rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among her peers at an abstinence-only high school.

That experience made Shelby a "more liberal Christian," according to her mother, Paula Knox—even to the point of embracing homosexual marriage and abortion rights. Mrs. Knox told Citizen Shelby’s experience led her and her husband to become more tolerant and even to change some of their own social views—with one exception: "I’ve always been pro-choice."

Eyewitness to the Death of Feminism

by Caia M. Hoskins

When I witnessed my first Father-Daughter Purity Ball in Colorado Springs, I thought: This is the death of the feminist movement. What I saw was a restoration of the father-daughter relationship.

The feminists I’ve known, debated and studied were neglected or abused by their fathers. I remember two signs on display at a feminist rally in Washington, D.C., a few years back. One read: "My Earliest Memory of My Parents’ Love Was Of My Father Giving My Mother A Beating." The other: "Traditional Family Values: Abuse, Incest, Alcoholism: Break the Tradition."

Feminists say "the personal is political." Their anti-male assault on marriage, family and childbearing is very personal indeed.

What produced such hurting, angry women?

Certainly not fathers whose hearts were turned toward their wives and children.

But trashing men won’t empower women. Equipping women to resist the pressure from abusive men and this sex-obsessed culture begins with rebuilding, not tearing down, the father-daughter relationship.

Most daughters empowered by their fathers to make healthy choices won’t be brainwashed by the feminist victim mentality.

Such father-daughter connectedness would lead to a culture where women expect respect from men because they have seen it modeled by their fathers. A culture where women would stop prostituting themselves in the ****ography industry and submitting to abortions.

A courageous father, not feminism, gives a daughter what she needs to be a strong woman.

Caia M. Hoskins is the mother of two daughters (and two sons) who adore their father.
"I’m still a Baptist," she said. "I’m Baptist, and I’m a Christian, and none of this has changed my faith, my values, anything like that."

Contacted at the University of Texas (Austin), where she was preparing to graduate, Shelby described herself as an activist for better sex education in

schools.

"My only issue with the purity balls," she told Citizen, "is that they are done alone without any other alternate sex education—that they are making this pledge and making this promise, and it’s abstinence-only. And if they do decide to have sex, they are not equipped with any information to know how to protect themselves, such as using condoms and birth control."

Randy Wilson agrees that a purity pledge can "introduce a degree of guilt into the equation"—which is one of the reasons it’s not pushed as part o

f his vision for the Purity Ball. "In a healthy relationship there’s no guilt," he said.

Khrystian Wilson confirms this. "We can talk about anything," she said. "I’m comfortable doing that because from a young age he has invested in

my heart, and he has spoken into me who I am. And you know what? I want that from my father. I want his wisdom and his input in my life because he’s my greatest advocate."

Linda Klepacki, sexual health analyst for Focus on the Family Action, warns that parents should not view the Purity Ball as a panacea or a substitute for parental guidance and involvement. But she disputes the notion that abstinence-based sex education promotes sexual ignorance.

"In all areas of health education, we have failure," she said. "We know a certain amount of young people are going to try illegal drugs." But that doesn’t me

an the schools should just throw in the towel and provide clean needles.

"We always teach to the highest standard in health education in our public schools," she said. "Sexuality should be no exception."

The ‘Dad’ Factor


"Let me put it this way," writes Dr. Meg Meeker in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know (Regnery, 2006). "If you don’t want your daughter to be sexually active in high school, you need to tell her, you need to teach her. Otherwise, she will be. Popular culture trains our daughters for a life of promiscuity."

Meeker told Citizen that after 20-plus years as a pediatrician in Traverse City, Mich., doing everything from handing out condoms and giving shots of Depo-Provera, a contraceptive, she’s come to the conclusion that abstinence teaching works. "Abstinence teachers are standing on extraordinarily solid medical ground," Meeker said, "and they need to know that."

Even with a high "failure" rate, the abstinence approach has a documented track record in delaying the onset and lowering the rates of sexual activity, use of drugs and alcohol, depression and eating disorders, Meeker said. "It doesn’t necessarily have to be an all-or-nothing thing."

Perhaps abstinence "failure" should be redefined.

"The longer a girl waits for her sexual debut, the healthier sexually she will be because her risk for numbers of partners and numbers of diseases goes way down," Meeker said. "It’s huge. There’s medical value in that, if we can get them to wait ‘til after 16 or 18. And now we know that early sexual activity is a v

ery big risk factor for depression in teens."

In Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Meeker asserts that parents often overestimate their daughters’ abilities. Many don’t know that one of the last parts of the brain to develop fully for either gender is the one responsible for the "executive functions"—planning, setting priorities, organizing thoughts, suppressing impulses and weighing the consequences of one’s actions. Which is why parents—especially fathers—are so important.

Meeker said she’s also learned in treating girls with behavioral problems to focus directly on two things—how the girl feels about herself and how she feels about her dad. Girls who have strong relationships with their fathers, she said, have higher IQs, stay in school longer, have higher self-esteem and lower rates of sexual activity.

"The father is the key figure in developing a healthy sexuality in a woman," she said. "The No. 1 most important person in a girl’s life is her dad. And if that’s bad news for a lot of feminists, I don’t care."

Randy Wilson said there is no doubt the Purity Ball rattles the Left:

"The father-daughter Purity Ball is a countercultural revolution."

For further information on a father-daughter Purity Ball, go to http://fatherdaughterpurityball.com

Schools across the country are promoting and hosting the Abstinence Program to middle school and high school students.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abstinence-only_sex_education
 
Posts: 1458 | Location: Rainy Nights in Georgia | Registered: 09-27-2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Unique Dog
posted Hide Post
Wow. I`ve not heard about this so thanks for posting!
I agree that a girl`s dad is probably her most important person. I was a Daddy`s girl, went everywhere with my father, did everything and what I couldn`t do, I watched. I looked up to my dad in total awe and admiration.
We didn`t 'dance' together though. That would NOT have been my father`s cup of tea. I was a virgin on my wedding night. I`ve always given credit for that to my parents and our faith. So, I have to agree that children--girls---who come from a home where they don`t even know who their father is, is probably more likely to delve into premarital sex. But, that`s JMO.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never in the history of the United States has the Congress ever passed a law which required any citizen to enter into a contract with another citizen or a private business against their will ...... Never, that is, until now. How's that for change?
 
Posts: 3693 | Location: Independence, KY | Registered: 04-19-2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
i havnt heard.i think it is a nice base for some good morals,but looks like it could be taken too far.right now the most i see is a lot of disney stars promoting purity.alot of them wear rings to symbolize it.good for me....i have 3 kids Big Grin
 
Posts: 4428 | Location: New York!! | Registered: 10-12-2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jonee
posted Hide Post
I think I like the message about waiting, but I don't like the message that the female is spoiled because she has sex. That part makes me feel like women just lost progressive ground. I have 2 sons 21 and 17 and when both of my sons turned 16 I put a box of condoms in their bedrooms. I placed age appropriate books in their rooms when they were 10-12 years of age discussing sexuality in an age appropriate manner. In Decatur County where I live 60% of 1000 births is by minor unmarried females. The average in Georgia is 40%. Our county is now promoting the Abstinence Program. Trying to get the message out to young females in middle school and high school to wait as long as you can. There is nothing about being spoiled or bad. It is just discussing real life issues such as STD and pregnancy. It has been found that Sex Education has not worked in respect that teen pregnancies have not gone down for decades now, as a matter of fact they have increased. http://bainbridgega.com/news/publish/article_4140.shtml
 
Posts: 1458 | Location: Rainy Nights in Georgia | Registered: 09-27-2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jonee
posted Hide Post
bump


no one has thoughts on this??
 
Posts: 1458 | Location: Rainy Nights in Georgia | Registered: 09-27-2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Jonee:
I think I like the message about waiting, but I don't like the message that the female is spoiled because she has sex. That part makes me feel like women just lost progressive ground. I have 2 sons 21 and 17 and when both of my sons turned 16 I put a box of condoms in their bedrooms. I placed age appropriate books in their rooms when they were 10-12 years of age discussing sexuality in an age appropriate manner. In Decatur County where I live 60% of 1000 births is by minor unmarried females. The average in Georgia is 40%. Our county is now promoting the Abstinence Program. Trying to get the message out to young females in middle school and high school to wait as long as you can. There is nothing about being spoiled or bad. It is just discussing real life issues such as STD and pregnancy. It has been found that Sex Education has not worked in respect that teen pregnancies have not gone down for decades now, as a matter of fact they have increased. http://bainbridgega.com/news/publish/article_4140.shtml


thats really great of you jonee.i have talked to my daughter about it,but i think it may be time to step it up a bit.she is 13.
 
Posts: 4428 | Location: New York!! | Registered: 10-12-2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by -oz-:
I think there should be something for boys ,
maybe mothers with sons .
Mothers teach there son to love and respect girls .


agreed.
 
Posts: 4428 | Location: New York!! | Registered: 10-12-2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Unique Dog
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Jonee:
I think I like the message about waiting, but I don't like the message that the female is spoiled because she has sex. That part makes me feel like women just lost progressive ground. I have 2 sons 21 and 17 and when both of my sons turned 16 I put a box of condoms in their bedrooms. I placed age appropriate books in their rooms when they were 10-12 years of age discussing sexuality in an age appropriate manner. In Decatur County where I live 60% of 1000 births is by minor unmarried females. The average in Georgia is 40%. Our county is now promoting the Abstinence Program. Trying to get the message out to young females in middle school and high school to wait as long as you can. There is nothing about being spoiled or bad. It is just discussing real life issues such as STD and pregnancy. It has been found that Sex Education has not worked in respect that teen pregnancies have not gone down for decades now, as a matter of fact they have increased. http://bainbridgega.com/news/publish/article_4140.shtml


That`s a cool idea you had with your sons. I have two teenage daughters. We`ve sat them down and talked to them about sex before and they can ask some very uncomfortable questions but I`d rather have them ask me or their dad instead of someone at school.

I miss my dad alot. He passed away 17 years ago. I`m grateful for the time we had together because it gave me the chance to experience the unconditional love of a father. I think it was that love and the relationship I had with my dad that prevented me from having sex before I was married.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never in the history of the United States has the Congress ever passed a law which required any citizen to enter into a contract with another citizen or a private business against their will ...... Never, that is, until now. How's that for change?
 
Posts: 3693 | Location: Independence, KY | Registered: 04-19-2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Jonee
posted Hide Post
quote:
That`s a cool idea you had with your sons. I have two teenage daughters. We`ve sat them down and talked to them about sex before and they can ask some very uncomfortable questions but I`d rather have them ask me or their dad instead of someone at school.

Agreed it is awesome to have an open dialogue with your children. I have worked hard at developing not only a relationship of respect Mother/Son with my boys but also as a confidant that they are able to talk to privately and openly about ANYTHING. I want to be their best friend, just like my grandmother was to me. She gave her honest, frank opinion that was laced with common sense. I try to emulate that.
 
Posts: 1458 | Location: Rainy Nights in Georgia | Registered: 09-27-2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Nell
posted Hide Post
do they ever think to teach them how to deal with the social stigma regarding "saving" yourself? rejection from the opposite sex when they wont "put out", the tendency to get married too quickly, etc??

our society is SO sex based i dont htink its as easy as slapping a ring on a girl and taking her to a ball and telling her just to "save" herself.


------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Mindys straight jacket keeper ha

-Karnies adopted big sister
-BIRDY CREW!! **flip off the ones you love <3**
 
Posts: 4615 | Location: Colorado | Registered: 04-16-2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata  
 

LMP    LMP Forum    Forums  Hop To Forum Categories  Lisa Central  Hop To Forums  World Matters    Purity Ball Movement..have you heard? what do you think?